And I Wonder If I Ever Cross Your Mind
by jackxnina15
Summary: Guess we'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...2-part Jibbs
1. Picture Perfect Memories

**Author's Note: As a Jibbs fan, I highly recommend the story Paris Nights by , along with its prequel and sequel. It gives an amazing backstory that the show leaves out! Writing this song-fic I used that as a background - it should make sense even if you haven't read Paris Nights, but credit goes to for some of the history alluded to here. Also I don't own NCIS obviously, or the song Need You Now.**

_Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor_

_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it any more_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...for me it happens all the time_

Hours had passed since Jenny settled herself on the plush carpeting with the old photo album. A single lamp lit the study, casting light only on her scattering of pictures as she removed them one by one. She smiled as she turned another page, threading her fingers between plastic and paper to grasp the edge of the photo. She removed it, and a much younger version of Gibbs glared up at her from under an Indiana-Jones style hat. _London. Oh, I loved that fedora._

Memories swept over her again as she recalled jamming it on his head, then half-regretting it when she realized the difficulty it caused in keeping her eyes and hands off him._ Damn, that looked good,_ she smirked, studying the photo again._ London...unresolved sexual tension at its best. God know why we waited so long to..._She cut off the thought before it went any farther, but couldn't stop the flipping sensation in her stomach. _Marseille._ Just one word still took her back to the long-awaited explosion of frustration and passion._ Two days of stakeout in a stuffy, cramped room with crappy food will do that to a person._ And when he'd made it obvious that he didn't trust her to simply keep an eye on the mark...the ensuing argument triggered just enough abandon to result in an earth-shaking collision. Her toes curled just thinking of it.  
_  
Good thing you learned to separate anger and insane lust, Jenny._ She remembered how their heated arguments always built up to an even hotter ending. Disagreements over assignments, tactics, or even who would get to drive...neither would give in, until his flashing blue eyes were so close she could feel the electricity. Just when she was furious enough to slap him, they would somehow crash together, no gentleness to be found in their lips, hands, and moans. By the time they finish dueling for power, one would give in..._usually him_, she recalled smugly.

_Conflict resolution. Too bad..._She refused to finish the thought, trying to block out her argument with him earlier that day. _He knew I was right. There just wasn't enough to suggest the death of that Marine's housekeeper should be in our jurisdiction._ He'd stomped into her office past Cynthia and slammed the door shut, insisting she hear him out. _But he really had nothing to say. No evidence._ He'd gotten in her face, just like the old days. He insisted that the Marine's request for the case not to be left to Metro PD should be honored. Then, at her repeated refusal, he stormed out - _not nearly as satisfying as..._

Closing her eyes, she replayed the scene in her mind. _His aftershave and coffee scent, every fleck in his blue eyes snapping..._He was so close she could have leaned forward and kissed him, pulled him against her, and maybe the only thing stopping her was the desk between them. _The desk, the promotion, the job. Like always._

Another photo stopped her in her tracks, and she froze as she studied the two of them framed against the background of Paris from the Eiffel Tower. He had both arms wrapped around her as she leaned in front of him, maybe trying to stop her from snapping a picture with the camera she held out at arm's length. Her long red hair swung over her shoulder and his face was half-buried in it, but enough of his expression was visible to take her breath away.

His smile actually reached his eyes, and she recognized the emotion on his face as real happiness. _When was the last time I saw him happy?_ She couldn't picture this expression on his face now._ He seems so tired, worn out. When did this happen?_

Then she realized her own expression in the photo matched his. Her eyes glowed, cheeks flushed, and she seemed without a worry in the world. Jenny set down the photo and studied her reflection in the glass bookcase. _Was I ever that young? And when did I get this old?_

Sighing, she glanced back down at the pictures. _A lifetime ago. Nothing to do now but let go of them, all of it. No good dredging up old memories._ But as hard as she tried to convince herself..._just a few more pages._

Paris.

Positano.

St. Petersburg.

And before she knew it, her cell phone was in her hand._ This is stupid, childish, nearsighted. You promised you wouldn't do this, Jenny. Jethro's never been one to wait for someone else to make a move. If he wanted this, you would know. Things have changed...thanks to your ambition. _

_Doesn't he ever wonder what if? _She didn't use the programmed-in contact entry, but dialed the number by heart. One ring...two...three..._Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Four...five...The automated voicemail clicked on, and she chuckled as she realized he probably never bothered learning to check his messages.

_Just as well._

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone, and I need you now_

_Swore I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

**One more chapter coming ASAP =)**


	2. Another Shot of Bourbon

_Another shot of bourbon, can't stop looking at the door  
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...for me it happens all the time_

Gibbs set down the sander and leaned back, resting his hands on his knees. He picked up his coffee cup and swirled the bourbon, then took a sip. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead and glanced absently at the stairs. _Haven't had enough yet,_ he thought ruefully as Jenny's voice echoed in his head again.

_Your "gut" is not enough, Jethro,_ she snapped. _I have a job to do, and I can't bend the rules every time it suits you._ He knew she was right, but that didn't make it any easier to let the case go. And if he was honest with himself, the argument was half just for the sake of riling her up...

She'd stayed seated behind her desk, which he suspected was mostly for the purpose of illustrating her authority. _Or keep me from trapping her against a wall and..._As he yelled and stepped closer, both hands planted on the desk, he leaned in so close he could nearly feel the shocks as her eyes snapped. The green contrasted with her auburn hair and angrily flushed cheeks in a way that took him back to days of violent arguments that were always so worth it.

_Ah, Jen...Those were the days._ Scenes involving those same flashing eyes and fiery red flowed through his mind into his body, and he licked his lips. He could practically feel the anger radiating off her, and it always awakened a different feeling in him. _She's so damn stubborn. Damn stubborn redhead._

_She sure was an opinionated young agent...guess she learned from the best. _Moving into her space as they screamed at each other, backing her into a corner where she couldn't escape..._like she even wanted to. These damn arguments always ended her way. Shoulda realized once I gave in I was a goner..._But he never could stop the inevitable next step. He'd crush against her, knotting fingers through the back of her hair so she couldn't jerk away from his kiss. _Not that there was ever any danger of that after the first few seconds. Then I was lucky to hold my own._ She used her lips, tongue, and hands all over him to battle for control he tried to hang on to for a few more minutes.

Now he tipped his head back and recalled her nipping at his neck. _I always did know when it was time to let her win._ He still refused to admit, even to himself, that her relentless assaults left him completely at her mercy. By the time she finished with him, he was always happy enough to let her have her way in whatever matter had started the passionate explosion in the first place. _Half the time I couldn't even remember what the argument was..._

_Not like that damn maid._ He considered for a moment a more satisfying ending to that day's disagreement. _Pushing her 'til she snapped, or I did. Slamming her against the wall until she bit hard enough to draw blood. Knock the housekeeper case from my mind once and for all._ He had known it was an argument he couldn't win, so it was hard to lie to himself about his objectives in starting it. Pissing her off, sure. But only because he needed some way to reignite the fire in those eyes.

_Jen._ He glanced at the door again..._expecting someone? Hoping she'll stop in to finish the argument the right way? If he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit he was passively waiting for her to make a move. Don't wanna screw up her "career." He slammed the mug down so hard the remaining bourbon slopped over the edge. Damn politics. I obviously didn't train her right if she's willing to play politics._

Cursing, he yanked open a cabinet door low on the tool-bench and rummaged through the back. Various hand tools were tossed to the floor, until he emerge with an old cardboard box. Ignoring its other contents, he reached to the bottom and pulled out a single piece of stationary. He stared without unfolding it, able to clearly see the ancient apology in his mind. _Sentimental old fool_, he mocked himself._ She'd laugh if she knew you still had this...if she even remembers the night she left._

But sometimes he could swear it flashed in her eyes. London, Paris, St. Petersburg, Serbia. _Nothing but memories to her. A detour taken on her strictly mapped path to success, to get her where she is today._

He poured another ounce of bourbon, then swallowed it in one gulp. Observing again the still-empty doorframe, he contemplated the jar of paint thinner containing his cell phone. Then he fished it out with his fingertips, shaking off the noxious liquid. _Damn._ He flipped it open and pushed the power button. Nothing. He shook it and smacked it against the workbench..._Damn technology._

By the time he remembered he did still have a house phone, the moment had passed._ Too much bourbon, too late. Time to call it a night._

_Just as well._

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, and I need you now  
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control, and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now_

**I'm considering doing a part 3, maybe kind of a still-angsty-but-together ending, to the last part of the song..."Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." So let me know what you think!**


End file.
